You might be a Redneck if.....

You might be a redneck if:   It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God.'


You might be a redneck if:   You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if:   You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter Festival.'

You might be a redneck if:   You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if:   You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if:   You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if:   You've never burned an American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if:   You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if:   You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if:   You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

Why there Should Be "No Running In The HOUSE"

SEEING IS BELIEVING!!!!!!!
How many times have we been 

told??? . . .
and have told our children NOT 

to run in the house?
Did we always listen?
Do they listen?
Not always. Sometimes our 

seemingly futile efforts fail,
and 'boo-boo's' happen.

Here is a little guy who didn't 

listen, and now he's got his
own souvenir scars to show 

his children someday.

Perhaps he'll learn from his 

mistake. Just Maybe....

Doesn't look so-o bad Does it?.
Perhaps he should keep this next photo
handy to explain the way it happened - - - -

ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch

OOOHHHHH!!!
That's GOTTA hurt!!!

Paybacks R A BITCH!!!

    A motorcycle patrolman was
rushed to the hospital with an
inflamed appendix.

    The doctors operated and
advised him that all was well.

    However, the patrolman kept
feeling something pulling at
the hairs in his crotch.

    Worried that he might of had
a second surgery and the
doctors hadn't told him about
it yet, he finally got enough
energy to pull his hospital
gown up enough so he could
look at what was making
him so uncomfortable.

    Taped firmly across his
pubic hair were three wide
strips of adhesive tape, the
kind that doesn't come off
easily.

    Written in large black
letters was the sentence:

"Get well soon...from the
nurse in the White Jeep
you pulled over last week"

-------- 

This guy needs to run for President

This guy really exists and these are
what he puts on the sign in front of
his business!! Good for him!!!

He's back!!! –
Bill, the owner of
Casa D'Ice restaurant in
North Versailles, PA
(10 miles southeast of
Pittsburgh )

I just want to thank all of you ...............

......................for your

educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public
bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room
because I don't know what the last person
was doing while flipping through the channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread
because I can only imagine what has
happened on it since it was last washed.

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my
seafood anymore because lemon peels have
been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs
including feces.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who
has been driving because the number one
pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip
because I can only imagine how many gallons
of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has
placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent
me the one about poop in the glue on
envelopes because I now have to use a wet
sponge with every envelope that needs
sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can
I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it
to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die
in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill
Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program .

I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me, and
St. Theresa's novena has granted my every
wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens
are actually horrible mutant freaks with no
eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants
even though I smell like a water buffalo on a
hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers
only get answered if I forward an e-mail to
seven of my friendsand make a wish within
five minutes.

Becauseof your concern I no longer drink Coca
Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking
someone along to watch the car so a serial
killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists
who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a
cup of water in the microwave anymore
because it will blow up in my face...
disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay
phones because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or
FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in
disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are
French and don't support our American
troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because
someone will ask me to dial a number for
or which I will get a phone bill with calls to
Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore and
Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from
Neiman-Marcus since I now have their
recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet
but mine because a big brown African
spider is lurking under the seat to cause
me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever
pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot
because it probably was placed there by a
rapist waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Have a wonderful day...

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina, after a
lengthy study, has discovered that people
with insufficient brain activity read their
e-mails while playing with their mouse.

---------------------------------------

The Why's of Men?

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER
DURING SEX?
(Because they are plugged into a
genius)
----------------------------------------
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING
SEX?
(They don't have enough time)
----------------------------------------
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM
TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(They don't stop to ask directions)
----------------------------------------
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY
LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole
and they vapor lock)
----------------------------------------
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
----------------------------------------
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER
BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails
parties)
----------------------------------------
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE
WOMEN?
(You need a rough draft before you make
a final copy)
----------------------------------------
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO
PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(Don't know.....it never happened)
----------------------------------------
(C'mon guys, we laugh at your Blonde jokes!)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
----------------------------------------
Some for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged
husband decided to wash his Sweat-
shirt. Seconds after he stepped into
the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing
machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it
say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma.'

And they say blondes are dumb...
----------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
----------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
----------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive
man?
A: A rumor
----------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to
forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because,
Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
----------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
----------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
----------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your
e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
----------------------------------------

Awesome Artist

I can't believe this was done by a teenager!
There is a huge rock near a gravel pit on
Hwy.25 in rural Iowa. For generations, kids
have painted slogans, names, and
obscenities on this rock, changing its character
many times.

A few months back, the rock received its
latest paint job, and since then it has been left
completely undisturbed.

It's quite an impressive sight. Be sure to scroll
down and check out the multiple photos.
(all angles) of the rock.

I thought the flag was draped over the rock,
but it's not. It's actually painted on the rock too.

Here's the artist:

Ray "Bubba" Sorensen.

AWESOME Work, RAY ...
Thank you!
" God Bless America "
and
"OUR SOLDIERS AND VETS"