My Collection

You might be a Redneck if.....

2010-01-07T09:11:00.000-08:00

You might be a redneck if:   It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God.'

You might be a redneck if:   You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if:   You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter Festival.'

You might be a redneck if:   You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if:   You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if:   You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if:   You've never burned an American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if:   You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if:   You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if:   You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

Why there Should Be "No Running In The HOUSE"

2009-12-25T07:13:00.000-08:00

SEEING IS BELIEVING!!!!!!!
How many times have we been

told??? . . .
and have told our children NOT

to run in the house?
Did we always listen?
Do they listen?
Not always. Sometimes our

seemingly futile efforts fail,
and 'boo-boo's' happen.

Here is a little guy who didn't

listen, and now he's got his
own souvenir scars to show

his children someday.

Perhaps he'll learn from his

mistake. Just Maybe....

Doesn't look so-o bad Does it?.
Perhaps he should keep this next photo
handy to explain the way it happened - - - -

ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch

OOOHHHHH!!!
That's GOTTA hurt!!!

Paybacks R A BITCH!!!

2009-12-15T15:23:00.000-08:00

    A motorcycle patrolman was
rushed to the hospital with an
inflamed appendix.

    The doctors operated and
advised him that all was well.

    However, the patrolman kept
feeling something pulling at
the hairs in his crotch.

    Worried that he might of had
a second surgery and the
doctors hadn't told him about
it yet, he finally got enough
energy to pull his hospital
gown up enough so he could
look at what was making
him so uncomfortable.

    Taped firmly across his
pubic hair were three wide
strips of adhesive tape, the
kind that doesn't come off
easily.

    Written in large black
letters was the sentence:

"Get well soon...from the
nurse in the White Jeep
you pulled over last week"

--------

This guy needs to run for President

2009-11-15T14:26:00.000-08:00

This guy really exists and these are
what he puts on the sign in front of
his business!! Good for him!!!

He's back!!! –
Bill, the owner of
Casa D'Ice restaurant in
North Versailles, PA
(10 miles southeast of
Pittsburgh )

I just want to thank all of you ...............

2009-11-15T10:09:00.000-08:00

......................for your

educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public
bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room
because I don't know what the last person
was doing while flipping through the channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread
because I can only imagine what has
happened on it since it was last washed.

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my
seafood anymore because lemon peels have
been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs
including feces.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who
has been driving because the number one
pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip
because I can only imagine how many gallons
of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has
placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent
me the one about poop in the glue on
envelopes because I now have to use a wet
sponge with every envelope that needs
sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can
I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it
to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die
in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill
Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program .

I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me, and
St. Theresa's novena has granted my every
wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens
are actually horrible mutant freaks with no
eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants
even though I smell like a water buffalo on a
hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers
only get answered if I forward an e-mail to
seven of my friendsand make a wish within
five minutes.

Becauseof your concern I no longer drink Coca
Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking
someone along to watch the car so a serial
killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists
who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave
because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a
cup of water in the microwave anymore
because it will blow up in my face...
disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay
phones because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or
FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in
disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are
French and don't support our American
troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because
someone will ask me to dial a number for
or which I will get a phone bill with calls to
Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore and
Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from
Neiman-Marcus since I now have their
recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet
but mine because a big brown African
spider is lurking under the seat to cause
me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever
pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot
because it probably was placed there by a
rapist waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Have a wonderful day...

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina, after a
lengthy study, has discovered that people
with insufficient brain activity read their
e-mails while playing with their mouse.

---------------------------------------

The Why's of Men?

2009-11-14T15:58:00.000-08:00

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER
DURING SEX?
(Because they are plugged into a
genius)
----------------------------------------
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING
SEX?
(They don't have enough time)
----------------------------------------
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM
TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(They don't stop to ask directions)
----------------------------------------
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY
LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole
and they vapor lock)
----------------------------------------
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
----------------------------------------
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER
BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails
parties)
----------------------------------------
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE
WOMEN?
(You need a rough draft before you make
a final copy)
----------------------------------------
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO
PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(Don't know.....it never happened)
----------------------------------------
(C'mon guys, we laugh at your Blonde jokes!)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
----------------------------------------
Some for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged
husband decided to wash his Sweat-
shirt. Seconds after he stepped into
the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing
machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it
say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma.'

And they say blondes are dumb...
----------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
----------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the
neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
----------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive
man?
A: A rumor
----------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to
forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because,
Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
----------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
----------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
----------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your
e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
----------------------------------------

Awesome Artist

2009-11-14T15:28:00.000-08:00

I can't believe this was done by a teenager!
There is a huge rock near a gravel pit on
Hwy.25 in rural Iowa. For generations, kids
have painted slogans, names, and
obscenities on this rock, changing its character
many times.

A few months back, the rock received its
latest paint job, and since then it has been left
completely undisturbed.

It's quite an impressive sight. Be sure to scroll
down and check out the multiple photos.
(all angles) of the rock.

I thought the flag was draped over the rock,
but it's not. It's actually painted on the rock too.

Here's the artist:

Ray "Bubba" Sorensen.

AWESOME Work, RAY ...
Thank you!
" God Bless America "
and
"OUR SOLDIERS AND VETS"

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN A GUIDED BEAR HUNT?

2009-11-14T15:11:00.000-08:00

Polar Bear Attack in the High Arctic
This is from up in the Yukon , this chap is lucky
to be alive. The guy survived the bear attack.





Polar Bear Attack in the High Arctic
This is from up in the Yukon , this chap is lucky
to be alive. The guy survived the bear attack.

The bear jumped on him while he was sleeping in
his tent and he managed to get it off of him and
shoot it .




















One tough camper!

KINDA MAKES YA WANT TO STAY AT HOME AND HIDE UNDER
THE BED, EH?

HOW QUICKLY THE YEARS PASS. . .

2009-11-14T15:07:00.000-08:00

Striped Icebergs

2009-11-14T07:10:00.000-08:00

Icebergs in the Antarctic area sometimes have stripes,
formed by layers of snow that react to different

conditions.

Brown, black and yellow lines are caused by sediment,

picked up when the ice sheet grinds downhill towards

the sea.

Blue stripes are often created when a crevice in the ice

sheet fills up with melt water and freezes so quickly

that no bubbles form.

When an iceberg falls into the sea, a layer of salty

seawater can freeze to the underside. If this is rich in
algae, it can form a green stripe.

Antarctica Frozen Wave Pixs - Nature is amazing!

The water froze the instant the wave broke through

the ice. That's what it is like in Antarctica where it

is the coldest weather in decades. Water freezes

the instant it comes in contact with the air. The

temperature of the water is already some degrees

below freezing. And Just look at how the wave

froze in mid-air!!!

National Anthem

2009-11-14T06:30:00.000-08:00

These young ladies are between the ages
of 6 and 8.... Awesome! .......if you
haven't seen this yet...... Texas Tech
University Basketball game, Feb 9th,
National Anthem sung by 5 young
girls. An entire arena remains
completely silent throughout the entire
song. You could hear a pin drop. Enjoy!

Why Women become alcoholics.

2009-11-14T06:25:00.000-08:00

All About An Affair

2009-11-14T05:36:00.000-08:00

'Life Isn't Like a Bowl of Cherries, It's More Like a Jar of
Jalapenos- What You Do Today, May Burn Your Ass
Tomorrow!!'
--------------------------------------

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his secretary to take
his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my
secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'

'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always
wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy
baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He
told his wife, 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you
been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!'

The 3rd Affair:

A mortician was working late one night He examined the body
of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling
discovery.
Mr. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't
allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private
part. It must be saved for posterity. '

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it
home.

'I have to show you something you won' t believe,' he said
to his wife, opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead?!?!'

The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with
talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh, it's a statue.' she replied. 'The Smith's bought one and
I liked it so much I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around
2 am. the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for
one day at the Smith's bedroom and nobody offered me
a damned thing.'

The 5th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One cent?' the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, 'How much for a nice juicy
steak and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man, 'Where's the guy who owns this
place?'

The bartender replied , ' Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked, 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender replied, 'The same thing I'm doing to his
business down here.'

The 6th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, 'I have something I must
confess.'

'There's no need to,' his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know, I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison
work.'

Balls vs. Guts

2009-11-14T05:25:00.000-08:00

There is a medical distinction. We've all
heard about people having guts or balls,
but do you really know the difference
between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night
out with the guys, being met by your wife
with a broom, and having the guts to ask:

''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying
somewhere?''

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night
out with the guys, smelling of perfume and
beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife on the butt and having the balls to say:

''You're next, fatso.''

I hope this clears up any confusion on the
definitions. Medically speaking, there is no
difference in the outcome, since both
ultimately result in death.

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

2009-11-14T05:18:00.000-08:00

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her

husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

'What are you doing?'

She asked.

'Hunting Flies'
He responded.

'Oh! Killing any?'

She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 females,' he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.

'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,

'3 were on a beer can;

2 were on the phone.'

Why the US Navy is better than the Iraqi Navy

2009-11-14T05:05:00.000-08:00

U. S. NAVY

Iraqi Navy

Happiness

2009-11-13T16:47:00.001-08:00

Summary of Life

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE
LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her
brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always
catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's
lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge..mostly sweet, with a few
nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held
its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the
inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the
fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives
I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can
do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation
from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers
but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy
beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age
comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . having a drivers license.

At age 35 success is . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . having money.

At age 70 success is . .. ... having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass

your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that

come each day.

Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Motherhood

2009-11-13T16:29:00.001-08:00

Be sure to look at the last picture.

These pictures are priceless.........and tell a really good story.

Tenderness of Motherhood in the Animal Kingdom

On the riverbank....

In the Arctic ....

In Africa ....

In India ...

In the Ocean...

AND FINALLY...

SOMEWHERE NEAR WALMART

2008 FEMALE REDNECK CALENDAR GIRLS

2009-11-13T13:27:00.000-08:00

Latest Redneck Update

2009-11-13T13:24:00.000-08:00

Redneck Man's pick up lines

2009-11-13T13:15:00.001-08:00

1) Did you fart?
Cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
Cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
Cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
Cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Man - 'Fat Penguin!'
Woman - 'WHAT? '
Man - 'I just wanted to say something that
would break the ice.'

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

and.... the best for last!

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

---------

More Redneck's

2009-11-13T12:53:00.003-08:00

Redneck Gal's Man of Her Dreams Winner and the Runner up

A Redneck passed away and left his entire estate
to his beloved widow .
but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.

Redneck Cooler

How do you know when you're staying
in a Redneck hotel ?
When you call the front desk and say,
I gotta leak in my sink, and the
clerk replies, Go ahead.

Redneck Cellar

How can you tell if a redneck is married ? . .
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides
of his pickup truck.

Redneck Garden

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum
drinking age for Rednecks to 32 ?
It seems they want to keep alcohol
out of the high schools.

Redneck Limo Camper

Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a
Redneck murder .
1) The DNA is all the same
2) There's no dental records

Redneck Mailbox

Who invented the toothbrush ? . .
A Redneck.
(If it had been invented by anyone else,
it would have been called a teeth brush.)

Redneck Moon Landing

A State Trooper pulls over a pickup on Highway 16
and says to the driver, 'Got any I.D. ?' . .
and the driver replies 'Bout wut ?'

Redneck Time Out

Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ? . .
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

Redneck Wiener Roast

A new Redneck law was just recently passed . .
When a couple gets divorced,
they are STILL cousins.

Redneck Wheelchair

Did you hear that the Redneck governor's
mansion burned down ? . .
'Yep. Pert'near took out the whole trailer park,
said the redneck, the library was a total loss too.
Both books went poof . . . up in flames and the
governor hadn't even finished coloring one of them.'
.

A Redneck Thanksgiving
(if Norman Rockwell was a Redneck)

That's all folks !

True Redneck Tank Top!

2009-11-13T12:49:00.000-08:00

This was taken in front of the Gardendale,
Alabama , Walmart
while she was going to the Flea market.

Now I ask you...

Who sits and looks at a pair of men's
briefs and says hmmmm...
I can make a nice summer top from
these!! On the other hand...
$6 for a three pack is a pretty good
deal!

Wacky

2009-11-13T12:32:00.002-08:00

Someone needs a patch

Gay Teletubies

McDonald's in Mexica

And the mother of the year award goes too...

Redneck Condos

Barbie-Q

Grandpa's New GPS System

golden girls bowling in their Sunday best!

EEWWW!!! who sells these????

The New BMW Grill

Redneck Houseboat

Crazy Stuff

2009-11-13T12:32:00.000-08:00

Someone needs a patch

Gay Teletubies

McDonalds in Mexico

And the mother of the year award goes too...

Redneck Condos

Barbie-Q

Grandpa's New GPS System

golden girls bowling in their Sunday best!

EEWWW!!! who sells these????

The New BMW Grill

Redneck Houseboat

Strange Motorcycles

2009-11-13T11:38:00.000-08:00

Eezzee-I am sure there is a Harley man
in this group somewhere-lol

And just when you thought you have
seen everything?

When are Ape Hangers TOO tall?

This is the Bomb. I'm wondering how the
engine is cooled.

This is my kind of bike - portable BBQ.

What do you do with 24 chainsaw motors?
That's a lot of pull starting.

This is called 'Dream Big'. Powered by a
502 Chevy V8.

Aren't friends wonderful? Nice.

This is a German bike with a Russian
logo on the sidecar. Maybe that website
would explain all this.

Sweet cheeks.

Anybody got a light? That's a Vespa
under there somewhere.

Eight cylinders the hard way.

Ten passenger Harley Limo.

Homeless Harley

Cool Harley faucet.

Redneck's last words, 'Hey,
watch this.'

Beautiful Trike from Exile.

Old Rusty.

The Undertaker

What do you want on your Tombstone???

Wide tire, narrow ass.

What The F#*k chopper

Budget sidecar

Uni-motorcycle? I wanna see
someone ride this.

Canadian Billboards

2009-11-11T08:20:00.001-08:00